Some context: the first time this bit was written out was in the Comedy Nerd Out column below. Compare, contrast, enjoy.
The Funniest Thing I’ve Ever Seen In Real Life
By Andy Sandford
Yes, this is a rather grandiose title for a story, and I shall now commence with a Tour De France of back peddling. You, the reader, should remember that real life is boring. We usually have to find humor in the mundane, and nothing is funny simply because it is true. Things are funny, and things are true, and sometimes they coincide. The following story is absolutely true, and I happen to remember it as the funniest thing I have seen first-hand.
It takes place in high school… I should probably preface this with the fact that I had a very laze-faire approach to high school; which means that I paid just enough attention to learn what “laze-faire” meant before dropping out. In my high school, everyone had to take the same core classes, but you could choose 2 “electives” that you felt suited your interests. I was interested in not being in high school, so I didn’t choose anything.
Logically, if you don’t choose your electives, the school should infer that you have elected to not take electives. However, the school does not see it that way and just chooses your electives for you. I don’t know what this process entails, but I think they take a look at what you might be good at, and then go the other way with it. My electives were “Weight Training” and “Entrepreneurship”
I can’t tell you much about weight training because I never went. I’m not the smartest bulb in the knife drawer, but I can sniff out heavy lifting…it smells like a locker room. I still can’t tell you much about “entrepreneurship,” but I did attend that class, and boy am I glad I did. The class consisted of 10 students: Me, and 9 drug dealers. These kids signed up for the class hoping that a public school teacher would give them the tools they need to flip more bricks and move ounces at a faster rate. The teacher may have wanted to be there less than I did, and he proved it with an endless stream of hardly-related videos.
The first lesson we tackled was “business communication.” Now, I am not sure what inspired the teacher to choose the video he did…either there was nothing else remotely related to business communication, or he honestly felt a comical how-not-to-communicate approach was best. For whatever reason, he popped in Abbot and Costello’s “Whose On First” before falling asleep at his desk.
By the time Abbot finished the first line of the bit (“who’s on first, what’s on second, I dunno’s on third”) the heckling began. I soon realized that I was the only person in the room who had seen “Whose On First” and was also awake. I gleaned this fact from what my fellow classmates were heckling: Dis old shit wack as fuck…the fuck this white dude talkin’ bout?…teacher sleepin’, I’m leavin’.
Just then, one kid who had been watching intently the whole time stood up and said, “nah nah nah…Who is the dude name.”
Another kid replied, “they ain’t said who the dude name is.”
At this point, I am close to losing my shit. I am witnessing a modern, urbanized version of “Whose On First” that was sparked by a video of “Whose On First.” It was like being hit with an irony sledge hammer…made of iron (is that more ironic, or just homophonic?)
Unfortunately, the classroom’s Abbot and Costello tribute did not make it to second base…the first kid chose his words wisely, “Nah nah, Dude name is Who.”
The other kid snapped, “What the fuck kinda muthafucka named Who?!”
That is when I realized that this was the funniest thing I’d ever seen. Not because of the playing out of a real life 40’s vaudeville bit from playing a video of a 40’s vaudeville bit. More so because the kid was right! What the fuck kinda mother fucker IS named Who?
That kid was smart enough to stop at the ridiculousness of someone being nicknamed “Who,” but if he had gone on further to ask, “what’s the muthafuckas name on second?” I would have had to jump in and say, “What is the muthafucka’s name on second.” And then he would have to say, “I dunno”…and then I would have to say, “No, he’s the muthafucka on third.”
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